What Not To Say To Dancers During The Holidays (Or Ever)

Ahh.. ‘tis the season! It’s beginning to look a lot like the holidays, which means it's also beginning to look a lot like body shaming, image distorted, awkward and insensitive comments by friends and family season.

While I love the holiday season, I don’t love a lot of the things that go hand in hand with this season, like:

• Invasive and insensitive comments from family and friends about food, bodies, workouts, and new year’s resolutions.

• Obsessive focus on eating, holiday meals, treats, and drinks.

• Obsessive focus on working out to ‘work off’ the holiday meals.

• Pressure and unrealistic expectations to look a certain way, feel a certain way, or have certain things.

But it’s no one’s fault that we experience these things; our culture has a long standing tradition of conditioning us to look certain ways, buy certain things, and to talk about food and bodies in certain ways. But there’s a better way. There’s better options for the words we use, and the behaviors we choose to practice, that will not only make us feel better, but show others (like our dance students) that there are ways to break harmful patterns and set a ‘new normal’ for how we talk about ourselves, our bodies, and the food we eat.

Here’s some common things dancers hear over the holidays, and more helpful language we can use as an alternative.

• “Have you lost weight?”

• “Have you gained weight?”

• “You look so good!”

• “You’re so skinny!”

• “It’s a cheat day - eat whatever you want and work it off tomorrow!”

• “The diet starts tomorrow!”

• “That’s a lot of food - are you going to eat all that?”

The problem with all of the phrases above is that they focus on the body the food, and restriction, rather than the person. This language teaches dancers that the most important thing about them is how they look, their weight, and that the foods they choose define them. When that seed gets planted into a dancer’s mind, it can lean to eating disorders, obsessive workouts, and mental/emotional instability.

Here are some better options:

• “I’m so happy to see you!”

• “What’s new with you? How are you celebrating the holidays?”

• “I’m so glad you’re at dance today!”

• “The food looks delicious, doesn’t it?”

• “I’m looking forward to enjoying this day / this class with you!”

• “Thank you for being here today!”

• “It’s so fun to have so many food choices at the holidays!”

Why are these options better? They focus on the person, rather than how they look, or what food choices they’re making. This language prioritizes the person, rather than what they look like, or what they’ve decided to eat. This language sets the example for our dancers that they, as people, are more important than how they look, or what they eat. It also teaches them internal validation, rather than external validation; looking outwards to others for praise or confirmation that they, or their choices are ‘good’, or ‘right’.

As a rule of thumb, choosing language that focuses on the person, rather than how they look, or their choices, is always the way to go - during the holidays, and year round. And while this applies to dancers, it also applies to everyone, dancer or not.

If you want even more resources to help your dancers (and yourself) set intentional, healthy goals for the new year, and establish healthy habits, check out these New Year Goal Kits. They’re jam packed with printables, games, and lessons for dancers of all ages to practice mindfulness identify what they want to improve , rely on internal motivation and reflection, rather than seeking external validation, affirm all the progress they’ve already made this year, and practice body kindness.

Here’s hoping we all have a body positive, body kind holiday season!